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Issue #13: Finding Worklove

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Over the last two decades of work I can easily name dozens of colleagues that I have loved. Not in the superficial “I love that guy” sense and not in an inappropriately romantic way, but where I was able to deeply connect with who they were and truly love their whole, unique, and sometimes difficult selves. I know, you’re thinking that I mean “admire and respect” them, but I don’t. I mean drawn to them in a way where I wanted the best for them and cared deeply about their personal fulfillment. I have laughed and cried next to them at retirement parties, leaving do’s, weddings, and funerals. I have sat with them in hotel lobby bars until the wee hours hashing through the world’s most significant challenges (or our own personal ones.) I have taken their “do you have a few minutes?” texts long after we stopped working together and even in the middle of a busy day. It was only recently that I learned not everyone has this experience with their co-workers. Ted Lasso had that with Rebecca, Rebecca had it with Keeley. Someone I never worked with told me those Lasso relationships weren’t realistic and others at the table agreed. I was stunned. I honestly thought everyone had that with at least some of their co-workers. Regardless of their gender or their level in the organization, across nationalities, religions, skin color, ages, and languages, I have been blessed with colleagues who were willing to forge this mutually beneficial bond with me. Now that I know worklove is rarer than I thought it means even more to me. As a Valentine’s Day gift to you, I want to share how I found worklove. First, we had a common purpose that united us – we were aligned around something that we were both passionate about seeing happen in our organization. We were on the same team and put the team’s goals first. Second, we created vulnerability based-trust. I talked about Trust in Issue #10 so I won’t repeat it here, but this is foundational. Third, we pushed each other — disagreeing, conflicting, even flaring tempers at times, but always using that embedded trust to return to our common purpose.  I am even closer with the people that I had run-ins with than I am with the ones who were always agreeable. Finally, we were grounded in humanity. We respected each other’s privacy and personal lives but embraced work-life integration. No matter what, we tried not to disappoint each other.  This Valentine’s Day I am grateful for the worklove I have had in my life and all the people who have shared it with me.  I wish you some love today, in whatever form you can find it. From the Executive Maven Toolkit If you’ve known me more than a day you have heard me mention Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It is a foundational framework of psychological development that I believe underpins our performance at work. There are two things that not everyone knows about this model – first, Maslow never intended it to be represented as a pyramid where each layer builds on the prior and second, Maslow later added two additional layers to his model – aesthetic and transcendence – as shown below. I have always felt that Maslow’s model is more fluid and that we ebb and flow through the layers over time, for example, sometimes we may need physiological comfort more than love and sometimes we may need love more than cognitive stimulation. From Elizabeth on LinkedIn My most popular post over the last month, actually, I think of all time, was about another love of my life – my anointed father, David, who right now is comfortably living out his final days on earth. I created a virtual birthday card for his 96th birthday sharing some of the many lessons that I have learned from being a part of his family the last 30 years, which you can read here. Research and Expert ResourcesLast year Gallup released research on the importance of having a best friend at work for the third year in a row. “Having a best friend at work helps even the most remote worker stay engaged and committed, fueling them to go the extra mile no matter what challenges arise.” Gallup’s research shows that employees who have a best friend at work are significantly more likely to: Links and ResourcesIf you’re looking to build a team that transcends high performance to achieve deeply connected excellence, we should really chat — I’ve been doing it for two decades and it is my superpower.

Issue #11: Saying Goodbye

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I had to say goodbye to a lot of people and things over the last year. It was difficult. Many of these were out of my control and I struggled to fully comprehend the void left in my world. Some were my doing. The loss hurt, but it was, as we like to say, for the best. We experience a breadth of emotions when it comes to loss – sadness, shock, rumination, anger, frustration, and acquiescence, among others. You may remember Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief model (denial-> anger-> bargaining-> depression-> acceptance) which says there is a natural progression to how we deal with illness and dying. However, this model is considered unproven and Elisabeth Kübler-Ross later said that she didn’t intend for it to be a progression. Since there is no scientific support that “acceptance” is the final stage of grief I’d like to propose that we think of it as the first. I’d also like to extrapolate this from illness and death to a work context because, as you know, workplaces are my expert comfort zone. Leaving a job results in a major loss.  Loss of identity, meaningful connections, and personal brand equity. The first day in a new role can feel immensely foreign and uncomfortable. The first day in between roles can feel even more so. Let’s start by accepting this.  Let’s recognize that leaving or losing a job is a loss and that it creates grief. Let’s also recognize that the grief will eventually pass. Then we can allow ourselves to feel sadness, anger, confusion, disbelief or anything else that we need to. For those of us who have been in the same job or company for quite some time we can still experience workplace loss. First, sometimes our colleagues leave and the closer we worked with them the more of a loss we feel.   Second, sometimes our jobs disappoint us, just like people do. We get passed over for promotion or frustrated by a direction our company decides to go in. Disappointment is a type of loss and it can hurt deeply. Finally, we can experience loss by staying in the same job or company because of opportunity cost. Sometimes we can feel like we have lost something we never had, particularly when someone else leaves and gets it! That means that the “Big Stay,” which has replaced the “Great Resignation,” is not necessarily about avoiding loss. Of course it has a lot to do with financial security and fear of the unknown, but it doesn’t protect us from having to say goodbye to people, things, or what might have been. Before we learn how to say goodbye, we need to learn how to say hello. My personal formula: And when the loss does come, be willing to say goodbye to whatever or whomever you have to. If that’s too difficult, “take care” works just as well. From the Executive Maven Toolkit Here are four lists I usually use coaching people in transition, but it’s a valuable exercise as a year-end wrap up for anyone so give it a go before 2024 is here! From Elizabeth on LinkedIn My highest visibility, reposted, and “liked” post of the last two weeks was about speaking up when someone at work disrespects you. I have told several stories over the years about the many times I have done this and how each time it moved my relationship with the person and my career forward. How and when you speak up for yourself matters to building trust and earning respect.  Check out the full post here. Research and Expert ResourcesThis poll from Monster a year ago gave us an idea of what 2023 would look like in terms of people leaving and looking for jobs.  Although it is a year old I am also sharing Monster’s Work Watch Key Takeaways as a checklist to assess whether 2023 played out the way we thought and what insights we can take away for 2024. I will share their 2024 report when it is released, but I think we can expect that while we may be in the midst of the “Big Stay” there are a lot of people currently in transition. Links and ResourcesI am thrilled to share that I was a guest on the Finding Brave podcast with Kathy Caprino, someone I have followed and admired since I started Juliette Works.  Find out how Kathy and I became friends (spoiler alert: Barbie brought us together), and the 3 “Future of Work” Trends that I think are critical to understand differently than how we do now.  TL;DR – they relate to AI, Social Media, and DEI. You can listen here!