First, let me be clear by saying that when I mention toxic workplace, I’m really talking about toxic people around you. If you’re currently working in an environment where harassment and abuse are present, that’s a whole separate topic and should be addressed immediately.
Toxic people come in all kinds of form. They range from the senior managers that you fear facing in the conference room, to the people you walk by in the hallway that you call your colleagues.
With toxic people often in disguise at workplaces, how do we identify these kinds of people?
The first tip I have for you is to look for people who change their moods consistently. It’s amazing how moody toxic people can be, so next time you recognize someone changing their mood or behavior consistently, take note of it.
This may also come in the form of showing up in your weak times and vanishing in your glory. Too often do toxic people try to get on your side by appearing to help you when you’re down, but leaving you when you’re truly in need of their help.
Toxic people are often manipulative, and the worst part of it is that it’s often difficult to recognize it, especially when you’re the victim. The key step here is to look out for when these people exhibit their manipulative behavior toward other people. Manipulation can come in many forms, the most common being lying.
If someone in your workplace makes you prove your loyalty to them, this may also be a sign of a toxic behavior. This often comes in the form of forcing you to make certain decisions by making you feel guilty or causing fear.
Combined with their frequent mood swings, toxic people also rarely apologize. These are the kind of people that would much rather dig the hole deeper for their own mistakes, instead of making a simple apology.
Passive aggressiveness or giving you the silent treatment can also be examples of toxic behavior. These people tend to also exaggerate a lot in order to twist your words or create the kind of tone or mood they desire.
So what should you do when you’re in these kinds of situations?
Every situation is different based on the people as well as the circumstances. However, the first step is to disagree respectfully. When you’re in an argument with someone who’s toxic, you’ll usually end up falling deeper down their rabbit hole, so it’s best to end the conversation, respectfully.
Don’t get defensive; rather, recognize your stance and be aware that the person in front of you is getting toxic.
A lot of times, we try to force ourselves to look for empathy for the other person. “Oh she must have had a bad day” or “he’s just having a rough morning” are excuses we should no longer use to find empathy for toxic people. There should be no reason for you to consistently tolerate toxicity.
Always remember to put yourself, and don’t try to fix the other person. We often find ourselves trying to understand the other person’s situation and try to help them become better. This isn’t a solution for toxic people, and it would simply take you way too much time and effort to change this person’s behavior entirely. That is not your job.
Finally, my last is to forgive. This is definitely the hardest part, and not everyone can do it. However, there are situations where forgiving someone and moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself.
It doesn’t matter how they feel from the forgiveness. By doing so, you’re breaking all ties and negative power they had over you.
Checklist for spotting toxic people in the workplace:
- They switch their moods consistently
- They manipulate others
- They project
- They make you prove your loyalty and trust
- They don’t apologize
- They show up in your weak times and vanish in your glory
- They give you the silent treatment
- They are passive aggressive
- They exaggerate
- They are judgemental
How to manage toxicity:
- Respectfully disagree
- Don’t get defensive
- Be conscious of how they make you feel
- Don’t make excuses for them
- Put yourself first (add backlink here for managing stakeholders blog)
- Don’t try to fix them
- Limit your time together
- Find an exit
- remember , you aren’t to blame
- Forgive them