I had to say goodbye to a lot of people and things over the last year. It was difficult. Many of these were out of my control and I struggled to fully comprehend the void left in my world.
Some were my doing. The loss hurt, but it was, as we like to say, for the best.
We experience a breadth of emotions when it comes to loss – sadness, shock, rumination, anger, frustration, and acquiescence, among others.
You may remember Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief model (denial-> anger-> bargaining-> depression-> acceptance) which says there is a natural progression to how we deal with illness and dying. However, this model is considered unproven and Elisabeth Kübler-Ross later said that she didn’t intend for it to be a progression.
Since there is no scientific support that “acceptance” is the final stage of grief I’d like to propose that we think of it as the first.
I’d also like to extrapolate this from illness and death to a work context because, as you know, workplaces are my expert comfort zone.
Leaving a job results in a major loss. Loss of identity, meaningful connections, and personal brand equity. The first day in a new role can feel immensely foreign and uncomfortable. The first day in between roles can feel even more so.
Let’s start by accepting this. Let’s recognize that leaving or losing a job is a loss and that it creates grief. Let’s also recognize that the grief will eventually pass. Then we can allow ourselves to feel sadness, anger, confusion, disbelief or anything else that we need to.
For those of us who have been in the same job or company for quite some time we can still experience workplace loss.
First, sometimes our colleagues leave and the closer we worked with them the more of a loss we feel.
Second, sometimes our jobs disappoint us, just like people do. We get passed over for promotion or frustrated by a direction our company decides to go in. Disappointment is a type of loss and it can hurt deeply.
Finally, we can experience loss by staying in the same job or company because of opportunity cost. Sometimes we can feel like we have lost something we never had, particularly when someone else leaves and gets it!
That means that the “Big Stay,” which has replaced the “Great Resignation,” is not necessarily about avoiding loss. Of course it has a lot to do with financial security and fear of the unknown, but it doesn’t protect us from having to say goodbye to people, things, or what might have been.
Before we learn how to say goodbye, we need to learn how to say hello. My personal formula:
- Don’t take colleagues for granted — neither their contributions nor their personal impact.
- View your job as a stop along your growth journey, not as a destination.
- Accept that jobs are deeply intertwined with our identity and changes in them can be disruptive to how we feel about ourselves.
- Recognize new experiences and people as a chapter in your long life — this will make it easier to say “this chapter is now closed” when you need to.
And when the loss does come, be willing to say goodbye to whatever or whomever you have to. If that’s too difficult, “take care” works just as well.
From the Executive Maven Toolkit
Here are four lists I usually use coaching people in transition, but it’s a valuable exercise as a year-end wrap up for anyone so give it a go before 2024 is here!
From Elizabeth on LinkedIn
My highest visibility, reposted, and “liked” post of the last two weeks was about speaking up when someone at work disrespects you.
I have told several stories over the years about the many times I have done this and how each time it moved my relationship with the person and my career forward.
How and when you speak up for yourself matters to building trust and earning respect. Check out the full post here.
Research and Expert Resources
This poll from Monster a year ago gave us an idea of what 2023 would look like in terms of people leaving and looking for jobs.
Although it is a year old I am also sharing Monster’s Work Watch Key Takeaways as a checklist to assess whether 2023 played out the way we thought and what insights we can take away for 2024. I will share their 2024 report when it is released, but I think we can expect that while we may be in the midst of the “Big Stay” there are a lot of people currently in transition.
Links and Resources
I am thrilled to share that I was a guest on the Finding Brave podcast with Kathy Caprino, someone I have followed and admired since I started Juliette Works.
Find out how Kathy and I became friends (spoiler alert: Barbie brought us together), and the 3 “Future of Work” Trends that I think are critical to understand differently than how we do now.
TL;DR – they relate to AI, Social Media, and DEI.
You can listen here!
